The Daily Review
2/14/04 Nitro Flex
The Daily Review

So it's Valentines Day and everyone knows that's a crock, so it only makes sense to do a review on Nitro Flex.  What's Nitro Flex?  No, who's Nitro Flex?  Nitro Flex was this middle aged black dude who would harass us at Adam's shop a few summers ago.  He would make the most obscene comments and make the most outlandish claims.  The first encounter of Nitro Flex was with Adam.  He was waiting at a red light in Brunswick and Nitro Flex pulled beside him and started reving at Adam and then let go of the brake and hit a Mini Van in front of him.  From there he would randomly stop by Adam's and try to claim his car was the fastest thing in town, but wouldn't show what he had under the hood.  He claimed he had "Nitro Flex", which I could only assume is supposed to be Nitrous.  So obviously that's how he got his name, no one ever called him that to his face because he would probably kill you.  He once made the claim that he killed a man by running someone over which lead to a high speed chase with the cops.  He also told us that his wife menstruated in his spaghetti, which I thought was the most ridiculous story I ever heard, I think it still is.  He would also make comments about girls and their body parts.  He would talk about "cherrie nipples", and how white girls don't have the best butts because you can't put a glass on it, it would just slide off, but they were still nice.  There are so many stories about this guy I can't even remember, you should ask Hambone or Adam.  Hambone and Nitro Flex had a mutual hatred for each other.  Nitro Flex would always harass Hambone and Hambone would say something really mean back to him.  Nitro Flex would also have a forty on hand almost every time I saw him.  He would either have one in the car, in hand, or on the way to get one.  Last I heard Nitro Flex got in trouble with the cops and he couldn't leave somewhere.  I don't know if it was the Navy base or whatever.   Maybe he just lost his license.  I hope I see him one more time before I die.

2/14/04